there is rumor that the world is ending tomorrow. now, i'm pretty sure that our creator (the specific name your religion uses is not relevent) wouldn't give us an expiration date (i'm sure he has a more creative way of letting us know) but, a simple question slipped into my mind as i laughed it off with my comrades.
w h a t i f ?
what if the world were to end tomorrow?
would i be satisfied with my life so far?
do the people i care about know how much they mean to me?
i am a strong believer in "live every day as if it were your last." it is a mantra, like i stated, that i truly believe in, and sadly it is one that is most forgotten in my daily life.
so, incase that the world does spontaneously combust or someone eats some contaminated icecream and zombies take over the world (or i die by getting hit by a car, as lame as that would be) i just want to make some things clear.
if the world were to end to tomorrow i would not be satisfied with my life. i'd be quite pissed, to be honest. not that it'd matter much because... well, i'd be dead. but, there are things in this life i'd like to accomplish. i have quite the bucket list. i would not be a happy camper if something as stupid as the rapture to get in the way of my goals (which is quite ironic because i have let so many simpler things stop me from doing what i would like to do). i want to travel, i want to learn (about things that are interesting to me, not the american education system). i want to sing jazz and become a master at the piano. i want to do yoga on someone's roof, truly love myself as i am, and find someone who loves me too. i want to become a kindergarten teacher and have children and dress them in ridiculous holloween costumes because, you know what? it's cute. i want to explore other cultures and buy a boat. i want to grow old with family and friends and die in my sleep. so. there's a good amount of things i'd like to do. that i haven't done.
now i'd like to move on to the next subject: people that i care about.
cynthia lois: you are my mom. we have a very strained relationship but nevertheless i love you. no matter what you say, no matter what you do. i miss you and i wish that things could be better, but at this point, i've realized only time will be able to heal the damage between us. my goal, when it comes to you, that when you're on your death bed you are proud of me. no matter where we are in life, you are my number one.
richard anton: you are my dad. your absence in my life caused a lot of insecurities, i am not going to lie or sugar coat it. but now we are getting closer and i couldn't be happier. i love you more than i ever thought i could. you are my dad and you're my friend. i never thought i'd say this but: i'm a daddy's girl. as lame as it sounds. your approval means so much and your love has helped me grow. you're amazing.
to all my grandparents: you raised me. i have the deepest respect and love for all of you. you all taught me so much and have always been there for me. i know i can always depend on your advice and love. i'm not sure who i would be without you.
samuel charles and jack stephen: you are my brothers. my whole life i wished for siblings and when you two came along i couldn't be happier. i remember your births as if it were yesterday and hold such big places in my heart for you. i will always be there for you and i miss you more than words could attempt to describe. you're my little superheroes.
to all my cousins: many times we have said, "cousins? no, we're sisters." to this day that couldn't be more true. you girls are the sisters i never had and i love you all so much. you guys have been my best friends since birth and know me better than anyone else. i never have to hide anything from you, i never have to be someone i'm not. i'm just jessie to you and it's the best feeling in the world. you guys are the best.
stephanie m.: my googley-bear. my panda. my anam cara. you're the one person in the world that knows what i'm thinking before i even think it. you're my best friend. you're that person i could talk to anything about and am not in fear of being misunderstood or judged. you have seen every side of me. we are the kind of friends that everyone hates due to our infinite amount of inside jokes and facebook statuses about how amazing we are. but i don't care. you fill the emptiness in my soul every time we see each other. the peacefulness my restless soul looks for. you're my bestestestest friend and nothing could ever come between us. ^____________^
mackenzie a.: kenzers. the roommate. one of my best friends since i was eight. you know my every move. maybe it's because i'm predictable but i love that you know me that well. you're my sister. you and i have gone through so much with each other and i am so thankful that you're in my life. you keep me grounded and you appreciate my... eccentric personality. i am more than sure that even when we're old and fat and ugly, we'll be sitting next to each other (drinking sweet tea and dr pepper, of course) and we'll still be rambling about the same things we are now. i love you, miss lady. <3
taylor d.: my lesbian hubbie. my protector. you're my mighty mouse! for the past seven years you have been one of my best friends. so many memories. you are someone i want to never ever ever lose touch with. you know how i am. i don't see you for a week? what happens? i scream and tackle you. every time. i love you so much and am so proud of you for so many different reasons. you're one of the best friends i have. you make me feel at home.
jamilee d.: i am estatic to have you back in my life. you are such a huge part of me and i can't even imagine a life where i can't call you to poor my heart out or play zombie games with you. you're an amazing girl with amazing strength. i am so proud of you and i am more than sure that your mother is too. you deserve a happy ending and i hope that you get what you deserve. you know that when i say i love you, i mean it. (:
mairi c. (aka "cat"): my other mommy. you are one of the most amazing women i know. when i think of who i'd want to role model myself after, it'd be you. you are intelligent, down to earth, and elegant in your own way. you're passionate and wise. i seek advice, you always hit the nail on the head. i hope that one day, i will be like you.
kyle d.: "dammit kyle." my favorite phrase these past six months. to be honest, writing about you will be difficult, but i will not exclude you. there is no reason for me to. a world without you would be a bleak one. well, to most it would be the same... but to some our universes would change drastically. no matter what has happened or will happen between us, i love you. that is something that won't change. you made such an impact on my life and i am thankful for that. you have helped me grow. you made me believe in true love, something i had frankly given up on. i don't know what the future holds for us, if it holds anything for us. but i want you to know: though things are difficult right now, i love you and i care about you. i want nothing but good things for you. you will always have a part of me. <3
devon a.: my brother. "i love you, man." you're a great guy and i can't believe it's been six years since we met. we have come so far. you are the only person i feel completely comfortable singing around. you have helped me so much and been such a supporter of my dreams. you truly look out for me and i couldn't have asked for a better bro. (:
these people have made such impacts on my life and i am so thankful to all of them. if i didn't list you then i apologize, don't think that because i didn't write about you that you don't mean anything to me. there are so many people every day that impact my life, even if i'm just passing them on the street. i simply narrowed down that list for my fingers' sake. they can only take so much typing.
anyways, now i'm going to ask again if the world ended tomorrow, what would you do?
how would you want to spend your last hours?
minutes? seconds?
would you spend it drinking a beer with your best friend on the porch?
would you go to the beach alone?
would you surround yourself with your family?
or maybe you'd be in a shelter with a bunch of stangers?
would you lay in bed and wait?
would you call someone you haven't spoken to in years?
would you go to your ex's house and confess you still love them?
would you read a book to your children?
would you run to your local church and be saved?
i feel that, whatever you would do, says a lot. i feel that, whether the world ends tomorrow or a week from now or around december 2012, that you should do these things. every single day. do something special, something meaningful (to you). every day. why shouldn't you? if you would do it in that circumstance, why not do it now? we don't know how long we're going to be here and this doesn't have to do with religion. this has to do with living. living. so many people (including me) worry about so many things and lose sight of what's truly important. so, that is my question to you: if the world were to end tomorrow, how would you spend it?
just some food for thought.
chew on that for a minute. <3
sincerely,
victoria
