for the past couple of days my anxiety has
gotten completely out of control.
i am more than sure the lack of me taking
my medicine everyday is a part of it.
i just wish i didn't feel this way.
i know what these emotions are
branching from.
i just wish they simply weren't.
so many times stephanie worried
after her and devon got back together
and i would tell her,
"don't worry. you have him again. things are as they should be.
don't be afraid. enjoy every moment."
now i look at myself, disappointed.
i have found myself in the same muddy
depressing emotional state.
i am afraid to be happy.
it is a confusing feeling...
to having everything you want
and being so afraid of it at the same time.
i don't know.
i really don't want to talk to anyone about it.
because i know the answer to my problem.
my brain thinks clearly but my heart is tearing itself apart.
plus, on top of it all,
kyle's mom still doesn't know we're together.
we created another facebook for him so we could be "fb official"
but the fact we have to hide from his mom... it hurts.
he says when he moves out he won't care but until then
we have to keep everything on the DL so she won't find out.
i just wish he and i could disappear.
be somewhere else.
just be us. just have us.
just for a little while.
i guess the pieces will fall where they may
and all we can do is wait.
- v
PS: patrick's birthday is this thursday so we're planning something for
him and this weekend mack's going out of town for college orientation.
PLUS, this weekend is athfest... not that i have the money to enjoy
it but oh well. hopefully this weekend will be a good one.
